The project was developed by author and columnist Dan Savage, who--after reading of yet another gay teenager who had committed suicide after being bullied--thought, "I wish I could have talked to that kid for 5 minutes before he killed himself to tell him that it gets better." The project was born. The site is filled with hundreds of videos submitted by celebrities, politicians, and ordinary people, both gay and straight, with a clear message that yes, it does get better. You should watch some of the videos, they are funny and compelling and heartbreaking.
I cannot begin to imagine the loneliness and feelings of despair that an LGBT teenager must feel that would lead him or her to take his or her life. I can minutely relate to that feeling of being on the outside that is so pervasive in high school. On a scale of 1 to 10, my high school years probably rank somewhere around a 5. There were moments of fun and, for the most part, I made it through unscathed. But, at times, my self esteem took a serious jolt.
Most notably, there was the bully (AKA "The Phantom") who wrote rude and crude comments anonymously in our yearbooks. The gem he wrote in mine, "To Carol, the girl with the biggest ass and the biggest t*ts." OK, as if I was self-conscious enough about my weight in high school, that pretty much put me over the edge. Most of my high school friends were cute little size 5s or 7s. I'm not sure I ever wore those sizes. It seems like I went straight from girls size 14 to women's size 14 overnight.
I've worn glasses since the 3rd grade and am pretty darn blind without them. Picture the big glasses of 70s and 80s (a la Liz Claiborne) -- with a thick prescription -- it was a recipe for disaster. And, don't even get me started on my red hair that always garnered unwanted attention. I was called "Carrot Top Four Eyes" relentlessly by a particularly unpleasant boy through most of junior high. While at my Grandma's cottage in the summer as a child, the drunken guy next door always called me "Big Red."
I feel like I wasted a whole lot of time as a teenager or in my early twenties thinking I wasn't skinny enough, pretty enough, or dressed "cute" enough to attract anyone.
Thankfully, age is the equalizer. I have my suspicions on who "the Phantom" from high school was. At our 30-year reunion last summer, he was fat and bald like many of the other men. The women in my class -- we all looked pretty damn good -- and exuded way more confidence than most of the men. Oh, and how I wish now that I was as "fat" as I was in high school. That is but a pipe dream to return to that form! I've embraced my red hair and my curves and I learned that those "big t*ts" really have been more of an asset than a negative!! :-)
So, yes, it does get better. In high school you are thrown together with people strictly based on geography. If you are lucky, you might end up with one or two people who remain your friends. As you grow, through college and your career, you form friendships with people based on shared interests and goals, and hopefully, you come to respect people from all walks of life.
[Sidebar: Many years ago, an African-American with whom I remain friends told me that he didn't like diversity programs that tried to promote tolerance because he didn't want to just be tolerated, he wanted to be respected. I've carried that thought with me throughout my adult life.]
Kudos to Dan Savage for starting this amazing project. It makes me a little sad that we even have to have such a site, but I'm quite certain that somewhere in the world the messages shared on this site are giving hope to people who have not yet found their way.
I'm reminded of the following quote:
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has.
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