The Loneliest Time of Year

I spotted him from the window as I was getting out of my car, the gray-haired man sitting alone at the dining table. I approached him as I entered the dining room, he greeted me with a smile and said to have a seat. I asked him how his day was, and he said it had been busy because of the weather. The roads were snowy, cars were in ditches, and people were complaining. He asked if I had a busy day at work and if I had taken many calls because of the weather. We talked about my recent vacation to Mexico and the upcoming Christmas holiday. He mentioned that he remembered my dad and always liked him. We talked a while longer and when it was time to go, he offered to pay for my meal. I reminded him that I hadn't eaten. "Next time," he said. 

As I was putting on my hat and gloves to make the cold walk to the car, he said he hoped we'd see each other again. I said we would, maybe tomorrow. As I shook his hand and turned to leave, I whispered, "Good-bye Dad."

What Goes Around Comes Around

Well, I figured now is a good time to dust off this blog since my life is in a total upheaval. In three more days I am moving back to Farley ... with my sister and the parents. I am going through a whole range of emotions, not the least of which is anxiety due to all the clutter.

More to come. The first hurdle was just remembering my credentials to get logged in.

Sadness in Our World

Listening to the news this morning, it is extremely hard to feel joy on this beautiful summer sunny morning. Two black men killed at the hands of police this week, and last night, five Dallas police officers gunned down at a peaceful Black Lives Matter protest. 

What are we becoming? 

I feel such sadness because I have such conflict on this topic. On the one hand, I have been in a 25-year relationship with a black man. On the other hand, I have a nephew and several cousins who are police officers. 

Institutional, overt, and silent racism continues to exist in this country. While with my significant other, or members of his family, I have seen the different ways I am treated versus the way they are treated. My significant other is the last person who would "play the race card." He honestly looks at all people as people -- smart, funny, loving, hateful, ignorant, jerk, or outright asshole. He doesn't make a judgment based on what they look like. I get more infuriated at the subtle racism he experiences almost daily than he does. He is a better person than me. 

I love my nephew too. He is one of those rare people who proclaimed when he was about 4 or 5 years old that he wanted to be a cop, and he was never deterred. He worked with the police while he was in high school, he majored in criminal justice while in college, he volunteers as an EMT in his community, he worked as a park ranger and a bicycle cop while in college. He loves his wife, his baby daughter, dogs, and his boat. He loves my significant other. They have been buddies since he attended my significant other's basketball camp when my nephew was 9 or 10 years old.  

I worry about my nephew all the time when I hear of people retaliating against police officers. I worry that one day my nephew might be involved in a crazy altercation and in the heat of the moment, something happens, a shot is fired, and someone who might not have needed to die, does. Since becoming a police officer, my nephew has been hit, scratched, spit on, kicked on numerous occasions. I am constantly amazed of his stories. 

By the same token, I am constantly amazed that black men are killed by police under strange circumstances. 

I don't have the answers. 

But, I am sad. 

I am scared for our country. 

We are not progressing. 

We seem to be regressing.  

Moving by Garbage Bags

I moved last week. The townhouse that I was renting for the past 5 years is being sold. I was ready for something new. I actually like my new place much better. I purposefully chose to pay rent for May in both the old and new places so I could move on an orderly and relaxing fashion.

Sometime after the fifth day and twenty-second trip back and forth I said eff it! When the movers arrived on Friday,  I found myself maniacally throwing everything that didn't require two people to lift it into a garbage bag. I suddenly looked like I lived in a landfill. But, everything got moved and it is much easier to smash one more bag into the car than it is a box.

142 Day Fitness Challenge - Day 99

I bet you thought I forgot about my personal challenge. Ha! Fooled you. Though my life continues to get in the way of of work outs, eating right all the time, and blogging, I haven't forgotten my ultimate goal. My much...MUCH...MUCH anticipated vacation is now just 42 days away.

Even though I have been radio silent for the past 84 days, I've made some progress, though slow. I am down 12.5 pounds. All in all, I guess that's not too terrible.

I saw an article online tonight that said people who drink diet soda lose more weight than people who drink water. This further solidifies that all this diet crap that permeates the TV, magazines, weight loss programs, and grocery stores is just that...a bunch of crap. I'm so over it. All I am trying to do now is eat normal food...nothing packaged or frozen (well, except frozen broccoli florets - I do eat a lot of those). And ice cream. That is one of my indulgences.

You seriously can go crazy making your way through the maze of Paleo, gluten free, no carb, low carb, Atkins, South Beach, Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig, juice, cleanset, vegan, or vegetarian diets....ugh!

How about just eating less and eating good food.

Oh...here's a breakthrough for me over the past few months. Spaghetti has long been my favorite food, and I still enjoy a nice hot plate of it every now and then. But, I used to have pasta with my meals almost every day. Now that I have been incorporating more fruits and vegetables into my eating, I realize how bland pasta really is, and I would just as soon skip it than eat something that adds no flavor or no nutritional value.

Progress!