I've had a revelation in the past few months that dogs, like people, sometimes turn out not to be who you think they are or want them to be. They also have the propensity to disappoint.
We can all agree that 2020 was a pretty shit year thanks to COVID-19. It was made worse for me when I lost my dad in April and then lost my dog in July. I grieved hard when I lost Bailey2. It was the straw that pushed me over the edge, I guess.
So, of course, I began the quest for another dog. It's what we've always done...being a dog loving family. Though our last five dogs were rescues, all with some kind of quirk, getting a puppy seemed like a great idea. I had my heart set on a Rough Collie, but also a Blue Merle so she would have the same coloring as Bailey2. Enter Luna...
Super cute, right? It started out great. She was housebroken in less than a week. Slept through the night after the second or third night of being home. We started in puppy pre-school right away. She learned sit, down, rollover, shake, high-five really quickly. She walked well on a leash. You'd think, wow, what a great dog. But, then, this happened...
That was the first of many bites. That one happened when she was about 12 weeks old, and I dropped a cap to a water bottle that she promptly scooped up and started chewing. Thinking she might actually try to swallow it and could choke, I ran to retrieve it from her when she went full on attack mode on me.
Working with the trainer from puppy preschool, it was determined she has resource guarding issues, impulse control problems, and is highly prey driven. So, basically, I've bought a wolf. The trainer reminded me that domesticated dogs are just one step away from wolves and would live with and mate with them if they were together. This is all "normal" behavior. I've invested $2500 in training so far.
She bit me again today. <sigh>
My sister asked if I wanted to re-home her. I don't want to give up on her....I just want her to stop biting me. She has moments of being a fun dog.
I was talking about her to one of my good friends a few weeks ago and was lamenting that she wasn't the emotional support dog I had imagined in my head after 2020. My friend, who had gone through a lot of turmoil, counseling, violent episodes, and drama with her son, said she understood. You pour your heart and everything you have into this living being that you love and get heartache in return. She looked at me and said, "Luna is your Liam.*" I immediately knew what she meant.
As the human in this relationship, I need to reset my expectations. I need to learn that Luna:
- Is not a "huggy cuddly" dog. I have to rely on Cocoa or Buddy for my doggie snuggles.
- Gets real snappy when she's tired. She needs her naps. My dad once asked my friend Katie if she got snappy. Luna takes snappy to Level 10.
- Will resource guard the fuck out of anything she deems valuable, particularly food. Learning the hard way, after more bites than I want to count, I need to help her be successful by controlling the situation and keeping her separated where food is involved. I mean, I might mess someone up if they took my Ben & Jerry's.
- Cannot be trusted around little kids who might stand around with cookies or ice cream, stuffed toys, or other items that Luna might covet. Neither parties in this scenario can be trusted to "do the right thing."
- Needs consistency. When I think that she's overcome something, I let my guard down, and that's when shit happens. The trainer cautioned me last week that Luna was entering her adolescence and may regress or be more challenging. <oh boy...>
I hate that there are days I look at Luna and despise her. I guess it's not her fault. She is who she is. I put too many of my expectations on her that she doesn't comprehend. Just because the other 10+ Collies we've had were super mellow and loving and calm, nothing guaranteed that Luna would be a carbon copy of them. Even our dog trainer said, "Luna is just the dog you ended up with, her behavior is not unusual for a dog. It's unusual for you."
The moral of the story, dogs--like people--can be jerks and sometimes break your heart. But you still love them.
*Name changed for privacy.
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