Passage of Time

When I was 14 years old, one of my best friend's brother died in a automobile accident. It was the day after his high school graduation commencement ceremony. He was also one of my brother's classmates and good friends. 

It was 50 years ago today. 

FIFTY YEARS! It seems like a lifetime ago and like it was yesterday all at the same time. 

I remember that I had rode my bike up to Farley and was visiting a friend of my parents. Her husband came home at around 4:30 or 5 pm and said Paul Besler just got killed. We stood there with our mouths hanging open in disbelief. A few seconds later, another of my brother's classmates drove by and he was visibly crying. My parents' friends drove me home with my bike in the trunk. On the way to our house, the tow truck towing Paul's car passed us on the way. It made the news all the more real seeing the wreckage. My brother came home from his after school job, and I saw him crying. 

My memories of Paul are of a quiet gentle soul. He was the only boy in a family of five girls. My friend's family were horse people, and mostly I remember asking Paul to help us saddle up a horse for my friend and I to ride. 

A few months after his death, my friend had a slumber party for her 14th birthday. We all slept outside that night and woke up totally covered in dew from the August morning. When we went in the house for breakfast, her mom talked about Paul and got emotional. As fourteen year olds, I doubt that any of us knew what to say. 

Maybe about 10 years ago, I ran into her mom at a local restaurant and said hello. She asked how my brother was doing, so I gave a quick run down. She noted how good of friends he and Paul had been. I said "I know." She started to get emotional talking about Paul and saying how she missed him. My then fifty-something year old self wasn't sure what to say then about a grief that must be so unimaginable. 

I thought about my brother, the father of four children who all graduated from college and grew into amazing adults. He's also now the grandfather to eight amazing grandchildren. He has a boat and has taken many fun family vacations. 

Paul didn't get any of that. In an instant, his life was gone on a sunny May afternoon when his car slightly crept over the center line of the road on a curve and was struck nearly head on from on oncoming pickup truck. 

What if either Paul or the other driver had been able to react and avoid that collision? What did Paul's family--and the world--miss by losing him that day? 

• Would he have gone on to be successful farmer and horse breeder? 
• Would he have gone to college and done other successful things in his career? 
• Would he have had a family? 
• Would he have taken over the family farm with his parents? 

On what should have been one of the happiest weekends for his family, and the entire class of 1976, turned into one of immense grief. You can never really tally all that was lost on that day. 

Four years later when I graduated, I made a comment to my brother about my graduation weekend being filled with joy and parties. He said, "I buried my best friend that weekend." 

Gut punch. 

One instant can change everything. We never know when that moment will come. And the passage of time never removes the grief and feelings of loss. 

Be kind. Live each day as if it could be your last. Say I love you. Don't hold grudges. Eat more ice cream.