If only I was 50 now...

I would have been a contender at the Farley "Kick Off to Summer" 2 mile run/walk.

I'll start with the back story...

About a week ago, two of my co-workers planted a seed in my head to join them in a 5K run in October. Let me set the record straight...I am not a runner. I went out for track once in the 8th grade. I threw the shot put. Oh, I think my coach probably put me in some other races, but I know I was never a winner. This body is not built for speed. However, I have always been one to jump on the bandwagon and give in to peer pressure, so although I haven't completely committed to running the 5K, I haven't abandoned the idea either. In fact, last weekend, I spent about two hours googling "fat person running 5K." Yes, there are numerous blogs and posts on this topic. I probably should have googled "fat old person running 5K" now that I think about it.

Last night (Friday), I show up in Farley and my sister tells me that she is getting up at 6:30 a.m. to participate in the Farley 2 mile run/walk. My sister getting up at 6:30 in and of itself is a small miracle that I had to witness. She asked if I wanted to go, so I said sure -- thinking it would be a good pre-test, if you will, of my abilities to run a 5K in October. Now, bear in mind that this was a completely spur of the moment decision; therefore, I did not have my running shoes, my sports bra, my iPod, or any of my other normal "I'm going to work out" gear. Additionally, I was meeting two life-long friends, Jean and Bob, for dinner on Friday night.

Lesson #1: It is probably not the best idea to drink 4 beers and 2 Bombay and tonics within 12 hours of attempting to "run" a 2 mile race. On a normal day, that would be cause to make me lie on the couch for several hours to shake the fuzziness in my head. I did take advantage of the opportunity to "carb load" by eating a ginormous plate of lobster ravioli for dinner.

This morning at 6:15, I waited anxiously in bed to see if Kathy was truly going to get up. Damn...I heard her rustling around in her room. Not to be outdone, I sprang out of bed, still trying to shake the fuzziness of last night's alcohol.

We get up to the Farley Park and check in for the race. There was the 2 mile run/walk that we were doing and an 8K for the more serious runners. I had great visions of running at least a mile. Ummm, yeah, that barely lasted until I made my way out of the park.

Lesson #2: Without my running shoes, I immediately started getting cramps in my shins. "Power through, power through" that's all I kept thinking. Then, without my sports bra...well, there was a lot of ... should I say "motion" going on. I felt a little self-conscious...but...what the hell, it's just Farley.

One of my motivations for doing this little jaunt was feeling secure in the notion that at least I would not come in last. Surely I could beat Kathy because she wasn't planning to run at all. I gained a couple of other lessons if I'm really going to try to do the 5K.

Lesson #3: I'm going to have to get off the treadmill and get outside to run. I need a lot of "data" when I run. I need my iPod, I need to be able to watch Bravo with closed captioning, I need to know my incline, my speed, how many minutes I've been running, how many minutes I have left, how far I've run, my average overall speed, the number of calories burned, I need a fan blowing cool air in my face. I said I am not a runner. I need a lot of distractions. Running outside on hard concrete, in the humidity, with unplanned hills, and lots of bugs flying in my face was just downright uncomfortable.

Lesson #4: Start out slow. My exuberance got the best of me, and I flew off the starting line. That lasted all of about 200 yards. Dammit...see, I needed to know my speed. Pace myself...I'm sure that was my problem. My physical condition had nothing to do with it!

In the end:

• I finished the race in 26:13. I pretended not to notice that the winner was a 12 year old girl who finished in like 13 minutes. I swear she cheated.
• I wasn't last..I beat Kathy and some moms pushing double strollers.
• I finished 3 minutes ahead of the guy who won the 8K. I was happy that at least I didn't get lapped by that crowd.
• If I was already 50, I would have won my age group. The winner for the 50-59 group clocked in behind Kathy at 29:55. Next year--that medal is mine!

Here are a few snaps of Kathy and me, in our first official race.

Kathy on the inhaler after crossing the finish line.

I'm hot...and I'm not talking Paris Hilton hot.



Thank God...she'd didn't go DFO on me.



Sisters, are doin' for themselves...